I feel so tired. The old phrase "worn to the bone" feels so fitting right now. My limbs, joints, my very bones, are heavy. Tired. Worn and tired. All of me. To the very core of myself, I am exhausted. It is not so much a physical exhaustion. Oh, how I feel it physically, but with no physical cause. It was by no physical act that I came to be so very weary. It was not exercise or hard work that drained me so. It is an emotional exhaustion. One that has worked its way through my entire being.
It has eaten away at me, little by little. At first it attacked sneakily in the night. Silently creeping into my thoughts, my dreams, NO, my nightmares. Soon it began to make its assault at any time of day. The sun would shine and still, the attack on my emotions would wage. Time passes. A week, a month, two months, three. Quickly time rushes along, working into this fourth month of emotional turmoil. Each day that passes, the weariness digs into me a little deeper. I am tired of it. Tired of it all. My body is heavy with the burdon. Worn to the bone.
For each good thing we fight for..... we will be dragged through the pits of hell to reach it. How I wish I could find the exit door. But for now, there is still no end in sight.
(my husband has been living and working in another state for almost four months now. in that time our son and I have only seen him once. my older children have not been able to see him at all. he has missed holidays and his son's birthday. the custody battle i am fighting, for the right to move my older children, drags slowly, slowly, slowly on, into it's fourth month. and no, there is no end in sight)