God Spoke So That...

I have felt lost for a very long time. It has been as though I have wandered into a wood and somehow gotten off on the wrong path. It was a path that led me to a junction. At this junction there is a tangled web of paths leading in every direction. No matter which way I looked I could not determine which was the right way. Many paths seemed far too treacherous and frightening, causing me to slip into a panic attack at the mere thought of venturing down them. Others simply seemed to riddled with obstacles. Each time I would make a decision and start down a path I would turn back in fear, confusion, or desperation. Rather than keep walking I would run back to the safety of the junction. However, the truth was that the junction was not really safe so much as it was familiar. There was no safety there. The only thing in the junction was nothingness. So there I stood, in the nothing, for years, too confused and afraid to take a path that would lead me where I needed to go. And then....
God spoke.

It happened as I drove along in the rush of morning traffic. I had just dropped my son at school and was on my way home. I had woke that morning with a terrible pain in my stomach. Driving had been difficult as the pain was so bad I simply wanted to curl up and rest. I drove nearly doubled over, or as close to it as I could and still safely drive. On the return drive toward home I began to pray to God. I called out loud to Him, "God, please take away the pain. I cannot stand it any longer." When I spoke those words I of course meant the pain in my stomach, but something else happened inside me as I said those words. The pain of my loneliness and fears attached themselves to my words as well. I began to think of all the pain in my life that was caused by being lost in that wood. So many years of being trapped in my familiar junction, not knowing which way to go suddenly overwhelmed me. I cried out to God, "Help me please. I don't know what I am supposed to do or where I am supposed to go. I am tired of being trapped and afraid."

As I prayed the pain in my stomach vanished. With that pain gone I could focus on my true problem, that of being stuck. I poured out to God how afraid I was. I told Him how lost I felt and that I did not know what I was supposed to be doing with my life. I apologized to Him for not sharing His word and His love with others. I expressed how my fears and anxieties had blocked me from not only moving forward in my life here on Earth but also from sharing with others about the continuation of life that would come with Him.

Just as the words finished pouring from my mouth I came around a curve in the road. Suddenly right before me was the most glorious sunrise. With the rising sun came the most intense sense of peace I had ever felt. All the pain, fear, and confusion lifted from me and God's word suddenly became clear. He told me in that moment what He wanted of me. I felt it! I felt it all throughout my mind, body, and spirit. God spoke in that sunrise so that I would know which path I needed to take to leave the false safety of the junction in the wood. It became clear to me in that moment what I should do and in doing it I would also be able to share God and His word in such a way that even my severe social anxiety would not block my path.

I would love to say that this one glorious moment was all I needed to be free of the wood that had me trapped for so long, but I cannot. I have not yet cleared the wood. I have taken those first steps down the path though. I let God point the way and I am following. I have taken a few hesitant baby steps away from the junction. I have had a few of those Jonah moments where I've laid down and hidden, too afraid to take another step forward. I have not however turned and run backward. I am making slow progress. I find that when I turn to the Lord and bury myself in His word that is when I make the most progress down the path, so I turn to Him much more often now. I stay on the path and I let God speak to me and continue to show me the way.

Be sure to catch my next post as I discuss more about God Spoke So That based upon the Bible study I am currently taking part in via Proverbs31 Ministries.