False Faith

Today we look back to 2007 when my faith had been put the test and nearly extinguished. 

Focus on Faith: False Faith

There were many moments during the adoption process that were nearly unbearable to deal with. Some made it hard to focus on what was important, what was right. Others simply tore at my soul and made me doubt that anything could be good again.

Losing LP was hard. Knowing we still had to deal with the man who had lied and deceived us was harder. We, fortunately, had the support of others who had been put through the same thing we had. The common threads in all of our cases were too much to ignore. One thing that was simply unbearable was that the man who had done this to us, was putting it all off on God.

It was Orson’s line that he used on everyone. No matter the exact words, the gist of it was that it wasn’t meant to be. God had other plans for you. You will end up with the child God meant for you to have.

I believe that we did indeed end up with the child meant for us. However, I do not believe that God meant for us to go through all that we did in order to get to him. Orson used God as an excuse for his own lies.

This false faith, these lies in the name of God, affected me and it affected my faith.

First of all, I was hurting… I did not want to hear about God’s plan. Not from anyone. Especially not from someone I knew was using it as a cover for his own lies. It made me question faith all over again. How could I believe anything I had ever heard? How could I believe all those over the years who had spoken of the wonder and the power of The Lord? If this man could spout about faith, so could any other fake.

I was done with God. I didn’t want to hear about him. I didn’t want to hear about his plans.

Listening to this man cover his lies under the pretense of it all being God’s plan got me thinking. I thought of one pastor here in town many years ago that used the church to launder money from illegal business practices. I thought of the youth pastor at a church I attended a few times with a friend when I was in junior high who was convicted on child molestation charges involving a child from the youth group. I thought of how in the 80’s there were several well known TV evangelists who were busted for sordid affairs or for embezzlement.

How many stories like this have we all heard? How much evil hides falsely behind the name of God? How many criminals claim to have found religion in order to try to lighten their prison sentence? Just how much false faith is there in the world?

There had been so much false faith around me for years and years. It seemed to be the norm. Here was just one more person hiding their wrong doing behind the name of God.

After losing the son I had loved for 9 months I was drained. I had lost all the excitement and joy over adopting. I was at the point that I honestly didn’t care when we traveled. I still wanted to adopt, but the urgency to travel to Kazakhstan just wasn’t there anymore. There was no special little boy waiting there for his mommy to arrive.

LP (we learned much, much later) had already been gone for 5 months. We could have been spared some of the hurt, some of the time we had to grow even more attached to that child. Of those 9 months we thought of LP as ours, he was only actually available for 4 of them. Was it God’s plan to keep that a secret from us for so long?

When we lost LP we got that email about the wonderful boy to “replace” the one we had lost. It was followed by an email with photos of another boy. A boy who did not look at all healthy. Our family doctor agreed. We refused to consider that child. We were not mentally or financially prepared for a child with such needs.

We soon got another email with photos of another boy. He was cute, he was healthy, but still my heart could not say yes. I had no faith. No faith in the idea that this child was meant to be mine. No faith that we would ever really see this child. I certainly had no faith in the word of Orson Mozes.
My husband wanted to accept this child. I held off. I couldn’t believe. LP had been a lie. This child likely was too.

During this time I hadn’t told anyone in my family about losing LP. Not yet. I didn’t know how. How could I make them understand? I didn’t understand myself.

The day after getting the photo of this new boy something happened. My mother sent me an email. Not knowing what was happening in my life, she sent me this:
Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods.
They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said,
"Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carvings and everyone would see the beauty."

Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."

Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree
of all time and people will always remember me."

After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, "This looks like a
strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter,” and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest.

At the second tree the woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree, I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.

When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree, I'll take this one," and he cut it down.

When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had
prayed for. The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end. The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams.

Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished
that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time.

Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great
storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe.
The men woke the sleeping man, and He stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.

Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the
man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When
Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been
crucified on it.

The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give
you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way
they had imagined. We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.

Please keep this moving...pass it on, so He may inspire more people.

May your day be blessed. And until we meet again, may God cradle you in the palm of His hand.

~~Author Unknown

We accepted the referral of this new child. 

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