Finding Faith

After having gone through many phases of faith: fearing, forcing, failing, and enduring false faith, I have finally come to the point in my life where I have truly found faith. It hasn't been an easy journey and I don't think I could have ever gotten to this point without first having gone through the rough times and surviving those other phases.

It seems almost cliché to say that going through hardships in our lives brings on greater faith, but as I (and I'm sure many others) have said before, clichés are clichés for a reason. It is the truth.

I don't have a big "aha moment" or single incident in my life that has brought me to faith. Certainly everything that we went through during the adoption process helped forge me in the fires of faith. That moment when we were sitting in a room full of strangers in a foreign country waiting and praying and then finally seeing someone walk into the room holding the boy we had said "yes" to four months earlier was a key moment in restoring my faith. I felt blessed in that moment and I knew, KNEW, God's hand was in this meeting of mother and child.

I would love to say that was all it took to fill me completely with faith. That would be a lie. It helped. It added to the other moments big and small that followed in the coming years. I still had my dinosaur moments.

It is this collection of moments, incidents, and experiences that has landed me here where I should be. I have seen God's work through it all. When I was not able to see it, it was still there. Often it is only when we look back that we can see His hand in our lives. But once we are able to do that then we begin to see it in every moment, in every situation, and then we believe that it will be there always. That my friends is faith.

I see it now. I feel it. I believe it. I am confident and I understand.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what is visible.
                                                                                                             Hebrews 11:1-3