When Depression and Self-Esteem Have A Disagreement


I woke up today and.... well, and pretty much nothing. I woke up today.
Except it wasn't really me that woke up. Not all of me. Or at least that's how it feels. Somedays only the worst parts of me seem to wake up and leave the better parts of myself locked up somewhere inside. Today the parts of me that woke up were the part that battles with depression and the part that has major self-esteem issues. And then they got in an argument that went a little something like this:

D; I don't want to do anything.
     But I'm bored.

SE: Then go somewhere and do something.

D: But I don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere.

SE: So don't then. Your hair is a freaking disaster anyway.

D: But I feel trapped in my home.

SE: Then get out of it for a while, it's a mess here anyway.

D: But I cannot face the world today.

SE: Yeah, people suck. Just stay home.

D: But I hate the thought of staying home and doing nothing.

SE: You're being irrational. You either want to stay home or you want to get out.

D: But I want to do both. And neither.

SE: Well, maybe if you get up and take a shower (because seriously you need one, what is with this hair anyway?!?) you will find the energy to do something.

D: But I don't feel like doing anything and taking a shower is doing something.

SE: Fine, just lay in bed all day like a lazy, pathetic loser.

D: But I don't want to do that.

SE: Then get the fuck up! Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?

D: But I can't make myself get out of bed.

SE: Ugh! You are ridiculous. But whatever, you are obviously not getting up, so just accept that you are a pathetic human being and just stay put.

D: But I don't want to lay here doing nothing.

SE: Then do something for fuck's sake! At least get up and put on pants. But not those jeans that give you a massive muffin-top.

D: But I can't even make myself get up and get dressed.

SE: Whatever. Just stay in bed.

D: But the thought of staying in bed and doing nothing makes me want to cry.

SE: So get up loser!!!

D: But getting up is doing something and I don't feel like doing anything AND I don't want to stay here doing nothing.

SE: You are freaking ridiculous. I am done arguing with you.

D: But....

SE: I am freaking hungry. At least get up and eat.

D: Yeah, I'm hungry too.

SE: Great! Let's eat. But something healthy and low in calories because, what are we? like 30 pounds overweight?

D: I don't feel like eating.

SE: What the hell? You just said you were hungry!

D: Yeah, but eating is definitely doing something and I just don't feel like doing anything.

SE: I hate you!